is this it??? 08/21/2009
 
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Lately, I've been waking up without my morning mood, instead a smile paints my face and it is the effect of the happiness inside me. I've been talking to someone who gives me this happy vitamin, which keeps me going everyday. 

The first few days we were chatting, i was enjoying myself. i wasnt thinking of other things...just pure simple, clean fun. then i started looking forward to chatting with him... the mere sound of my handphone beeping for a message excites me....more, when i see the message was from him. i know it's too HS-feeling but somehow, it  feels good. i said to myself, get a grip. i dont flirt with him like i used to, but i find myself easily opening up to him. for some weird reasons, i became more honest to someone, more honest than with my ex actually, to think we're not an item. i sometimes slap my face to wake up to reality that we're miles away and it's never gonna happen. but still, i have a smile on my face...darn!

days passed and everyday keeps gettin better, happier, we get to know each other a little at a time... very nice feeling. for the first time, someone asked for my photo. well i gave him more than your fingers in hand... each of which has a story behind, and i tell him about it one by one. Every time we have to cut our conversation, there's a certain pang inside me, wanting more...wanting to ask where he was going, what time he will be online again, but i tell myself to stop. I dont want to get used to this feeling - it will hurt me in the future if things wont work out, despite of our promise... i need to be more prepared, more protective of myself and more vigilant of things that will happen. somehow i cant let my guards down for the fear of getting myself back on the road where i was before him.

im not closing my door, nor am i scratching the idea i have in mind. i just dont want to rush into things this time. I cant afford it anymore.


but the thing is, i keep on questioning myself of what i am truly feeling...
im not on the rebound, that im certain...
but why am i feeling this way?

is this it?

i want to know....